“Such is life” is a familiar expression across nationalities. In the case of life’s hurdles, the expression suggests that we need to accept and live with our hardships: sort of like, “just live with it because things happen that we can’t do anything about”. This implies a sense of negativity I don’t accept, and the question mark in my memoir’s title, Such is Life?, is key to one of its primary messages: not so! Declaring, or even suggesting, that we can do nothing about it certainly is not so for me or for Gail, my partner in life and marriage. Like most, I’ve faced difficult and heartbreaking obstacles I had little or no control over how they came about. Separately, so has Gail. However, our perspectives enabled us to march through those grievous or agonizing moments and into positive and rewarding “nexts”. Such is Life? shares some of our painful life-moments, and it validates our perspectives that lead to contentment … even when our actions or behaviors may have been contrary to expectations – expectations from without and, at times, within.
The “Next”
Perspectives are heavily influenced by upbringings, ideologies, and social norms. Behaviors which are contrary to these conventions typically aren’t condoned by those around us or our society. Moving past grief or escaping bad experiences becomes even more difficult when our actions don’t conform to these outside expectations. And self-imposed blame adds a formidable stumbling block emotionally that impedes getting past the present and into the next.
Important notions Such is Life? offers are that contentment and happiness will follow grief or agony if we allow them. They will – always. We preserve treasured moments in a mental memorial, there to celebrate and revere loved ones who have departed. We retain hostile ordeals in a separate mental locker, there to be mindful for avoiding future adversities. But we must accept that both archives remain closed much of the time, stored on our memory-shelves rather than open in our laps and distracting us from getting to our next – to enjoying new adventures and relishing new relationships. And most importantly, we need to accept that it’s in our best interest to do so … moving on is okay.
“It’s Okay”
I grew up in the midst of mountains, forests, rivers, and sea – and among many of the critters therein. I have a deep appreciation for natural goings-on, and they are commanding influences on my outlook. Although my heritage is European and its theologies, my convictions tend toward Native American ideologies, particularly with regard to life hurdles and getting to “the next”. In Such is Life?’spreface, I reference one of Gerald Vizenor’s quotes regarding his principle of “Survivance” that, in part, anticipates and welcomes comfort in the aftermath of hardships. This powerful precept reflects the essence of moving from pain to pleasure, from depression to tranquility.
I also embrace those Native American beliefs that one’s journey on earth is but one segment of an overall odyssey, and that odyssey includes some kind of afterworld unrelated to complying with this or that doctrine. Which leads to the notion that “it’s okay” isn’t just for the one who remains in the presence of death. It’s okay for the one leaving as well. At least for me, and Such is Life? shares experiences about solace expressed from the one remaining to the one in their final moments: reassuring expressions that the one remaining would rather bear a profound departure than prolong the pain and suffering being endured by the one in its deathbed. One of my memoir’s chapters begins somewhat lyrically with my notion of “it’s okay”:
It’s okay to share an eternal goodbye,
two embracing a final farewell.
It’s okay to leave,
taking leave from the one who’s left behind.
It’s okay to stay,
cradling fond memories before their forever farewell.
It’s okay to repress remorse,
released from the other’s grief.
It’s okay to seize the after the other left the one who’s left behind.
Yes. But, my entire life has been blessed with love, and I’ve enjoyed sensational experiences … professionally and otherwise. Such is Life? isn’t just about getting past difficulties. My memoir tip-toes though professional work in satellite intelligence and other aerospace activities, and it strolls through some of my exciting winter-season-of-life adventures. And I’m easily distracted. Thankfully, because there are so many interesting things bombarding me every day that I wish to enjoy beyond the task at hand.
Diversions
Merriam-Webster’s definitions of “diversion” include, “… straying from a course … experiencing something that amuses …”. I can’t look out the window without thoughts wandering away from my keyboard and mouse. I find humor, satire, or both in most things around me that involve people and my society. Like with every TV show I watch, which is limited to news, weather, or sports. News provides endless diversions, particularly regarding politics. Unfortunately, most of these are distracting and cause frowning and head shaking rather than smiling and nodding. Weather and sports amuse as well, but not because of what the broadcasters are reporting. Because the discourse these educated or experienced professionals have to offer are no longer the primary focus Networks require for their programming. Rather, the focus has moved to entertainment: animated actions that probably require our weather person to take acting lessons and celebrities dressed in look-at-me attire from advertisers who know many boob-tube watchers wish to resemble.
Such is Life? is interspersed with diversions. Many chapters begin with reflections on the wonders of desert and nature, and many chapters include lyrical interludes intended to bolster particular thoughts or passages. Some diversions are satirical views of day-to-day happenings we experience that border on ridiculousness, such as those questionable activities we routinely endure while attending to our all-important annual medical visits. I mean, what other appointments do you enter into your calendar with times that precede the actual appointments? And what other industry misses its appointments so regularly that one of the items on your after-visit survey asks about your satisfaction with how long you waited past your scheduled appointment?
Final Thoughts
Such is Life? has four “voices”, four characters relating their pieces of the story. I wrotemine, and Gail wrote hers. I also wrote the other two, those of my former and deceased wife (Roberta) and my pooch (Toby). However, I’m confident my intimate relationship with Roberta that lasted nearly six decades represents what she would have written were she there to do so. Although I didn’t experience the same relationship with Toby, I have no doubt he would have barked pretty much as I penned as well. Finally, I’ll end this blog with my memoir’s first sort-of review, an extract from one of Gail’s paragraphs in Such is Life?,
“I hope you like Bob’s book, his stories and perspectives. I think his writing is flowery and eccentric, and it’s sometimes confusing for me to read, but that’s also okay and maybe even fun for you. That’s his personality; he’s flowery and eccentric and confusing and fun ….”