“Such is life” is a familiar expression across cultures. Referring to life’s hurdles, the expression suggests that we need to accept and live with life’s hardships: sort of like, just live with it because things happen that we can’t do anything about. This implies a sense of negativity I don’t accept, and the question mark in my memoir’s title, Such is Life?, is key to one of its primary assertions: not so! Declaring, or even suggesting, that we can do nothing about “it” certainly is not so for me or for Gail, my partner in life and marriage. Like most, I’ve faced difficult and heartbreaking obstacles I had little or no control over how they came about. Separately, so has Gail. However, our perspectives prepared us for marching through a grievous or agonizing moment and strolling into a positive and rewarding “next”. Such is Life? shares some of our painful life-moments, and it confirms our perspectives that lead to contentment … even when our actions or behaviors were contrary to expectations – expectations from without or within.
The “Next”
Perspectives are heavily influenced by upbringings, ideologies, and social norms. At least, in my opinion. And behaviors contrary to these conventions typically aren’t condoned by those around us or our society. At least, in my experiences. Moving past grief or escaping bad experiences becomes even more difficult when our actions don’t conform to these outside expectations. And self-imposed blame adds a formidable stumbling block emotionally that impedes getting past the present and into the next.
An important notion Such is Life? suggests is that contentment and happiness will follow grief or agony if we allow it. I believe it will – always. We preserve treasured moments of lost loved ones in a mental memorial, there to celebrate and revere. We retain hostile ordeals in a separate mental locker, there to be mindful for avoiding future anguish. But we must keep both archives closed much of the time, stored on our memory-shelves rather than open and distracting us from enjoying new adventures and relishing new relationships – our next. And most importantly, we need to accept that it’s in our best interest to do so … moving on is okay.
“It’s Okay”
I grew up in the midst of mountains, forests, rivers, and the sea – and among many of the critters therein. I have a deep appreciation for natural goings-on, and they are powerful influences on my outlook. Although my heritage is European and its theologies, my convictions tend toward Native American ideologies, particularly with regard to life hurdles and getting to my “next”. I reference one of Gerald Vizenor’s quotes about his principle of “Survivance” in Such is Life?’s Preface that, in part, “… anticipates and welcomes comfort in the aftermath of hardships …”. This powerful precept reflects the essence of moving from pain to comfort, from depression to quietude.
I also embrace those Native American beliefs that longevity on earth is but one segment of an overall journey, and that journey is unrelated to our behavior or compliance with this or that doctrine. Which leads to the notion that “it’s okay” isn’t just for the one who remains after the moment of mortality, it’s okay for the one leaving as well. “Letting go” isn’t a one-way street. My memoir has diversions throughout, and one of Such is Life?’s shots at verse embraces my notion of “it’s okay”:
It’s okay to share an eternal goodbye,
two embracing a final farewell.
It’s okay to leave,
taking leave from the one who’s left behind.
It’s okay to stay,
cradling fond memories before their forever farewell.
It’s okay to repress remorse,
released from the other’s grief.
It’s okay to seize the after the other left the one who’s left behind.
Diversions
My entire life has been blessed with love, and I’ve enjoyed sensational experiences, professionally and otherwise. Such is Life? isn’t just about getting past difficulties. My memoir tip-toes though professional work in satellite intelligence and other aerospace activities, and it strolls through some of my exciting winter-season-of-life adventures. And I’m easily distracted. Thankfully, because there are so many interesting things bombarding my every-day life for me to enjoy beyond the task at hand.
Merriam-Webster’s definitions of “diversion” include, “… straying from a course … experiencing something that amuses …”. I can’t look out the window without thoughts wandering away from my keyboard and mouse. I find humor or satire, or both, in most things around me that involve people and my society. Like with every TV show I watch (which is limited to news, weather, or sports). News provides endless diversions, particularly regarding politics. Unfortunately, most are distracting and cause frowns or head shakings rather than smiles or agreeing nods. Weather and sports amuse as well, but not just because of what broadcasters are reporting. Rather than commenting professionally on atmospheric conditions or what is happening on the field or court, these experts must entertain with animated actions that probably require acting lessons, and celebrities must be dressed in “look-at-me” apparel that clothiers expect boob-tube watchers to imitate. More head shakings, often with channel changings.
Such is Life? is interspersed with diversions. Many chapters begin with reflections on nature and desert wonders, and many passages include lyrical interludes intended to bolster particular thoughts. Some diversions are satirical views of day-to-day happenings we experience that border on ridiculousness, one such in my Medicinal Cabs subchapter refers to the questionable activities we endure while attending to our all-important annual medical visits. I mean, what other appointments do you enter into your calendar with times that precede the actual appointment times? And what other industry misses its appointments so regularly that one of the items on your after-visit survey asks about your satisfaction with how long you waited past your scheduled appointment? Woof!
Final Thoughts
Such is Life? has four “voices”, four characters relating their pieces of the story. I wrote mine, and Gail wrote hers. I also wrote the other two, those of my former and deceased wife (Roberta) and my pooch (Toby). However, I’m confident my intimate relationship with Roberta, lasting nearly six decades, represents what she would have written were she there to do so. As for Toby, I have no doubt he would have barked pretty much as I penned as well. Finally, I’ll end this blog with my memoir’s first sort-of review, an extract from one of Gail’s paragraphs in Such is Life?: “… I hope you like Bob’s book, his stories and perspectives. I think his writing is flowery and eccentric, and it’s sometimes confusing for me to read, but that’s also okay and maybe even fun for you. That’s his personality; he’s flowery and eccentric and confusing and fun …”
